As married couples become a minority, our correspondent argues that the best way to keep a marriage strong and healthy is to retain a close network of friends
Modern life can be stressful -- in the family as anywhere else in our fast-paced society. And yet, with all the challenges and concerns about relationships, marriage and raising children, people in the United States today have higher expectations of parenting and marriage. In comparing the present with the past -- the so-called "good old days" -- we need to realize that many of our worries reflect how much better we want to be, not how much better we used used to be.
Modern life can be stressful -- in the family as anywhere else in our fast-paced society. And yet, with all the challenges and concerns about relationships, marriage and raising children, people in the United States today have higher expectations of parenting and marriage. In comparing the present with the past -- the so-called "good old days" -- we need to realize that many of our worries reflect how much better we want to be, not how much better we used used to be.
Let's consider pieces of evidence.
For the first time in 150 years, households headed by single adults and unmarried couples now outnumber married-couple families. In 1960, married-couple households represented more than 78 percent of American households. As late as 2000, married couples were 52 percent of all households. But in 2005, according to the recently released American Community Survey, households with a married couple at their core made up less than 50 percent of all households.
June 5, 2006 issue - Marriage has changed more in the last 30 years than in the previous 300. People today have unprecedented freedom about whether, when and whom to marry, and they are making those decisions free from the huge social and economic pressures that once had them marching in lockstep.
At a recent talk in Chicago I gave about the dangers of romanticizing "traditional" families, a young man asked me if I didn't think the mass rallies of the men's group Promise Keepers in football stadiums across the country represented "potential fascism." I argued, to considerable skepticism from my audience, that however disturbing the ideology of the leaders, the motivations that bring thousands of men together for these events are not fascist, or even explicitly right-wing.
U.S. courts' rulings on marriage have evolved in response to changing norms.
Stephanie Coontz is a teacher of history and family studies at Evergreen State College, Olympia, Wash.
With several state supreme courts due to rule on suits from same-sex couples demanding access to marriage, conservatives must be delighted to have a Justice Samuel Alito. During his confirmation hearings, Alito argued that judges should interpret the Constitution based "on the meaning that someone would have taken from the text... at the time of its adoption."
The number of US mothers who also work outside the home is actually on the rise.
Families have never been perfect, says Stephanie Coontz, author and director of research at the Council on Contemporary Families in Chicago. Yet many of us still perpetuate the myths, says Coontz, one of several family scholars scheduled to speak at a free public conference Thursday and Friday at Emory University. In a different place, in a different time --- we believe --- we were closer, kinder, more organized and self-sufficient. Truth, however, tends to be air-brushed with time.
He was divorced, with a son. So was she.
And so when Cathy and Denny Dobbs merged their families nearly 20 years ago, it was much like the popular 1970s sitcom "The Brady Bunch."
They both worked on the job and at home. They spent time with their children and with each other. They still do.
The same can be said for Leslie and Anthony Royal's family. And Nancy and Richard Schulz.
But is "the family that stays together" the image most of us conjure up when we think of the modern family?